Oh No ~ I Have Lost My Dreams

I am learning more and more each day the importance of action-reflection-action, meditation, stillness, and breathing.  Life is not about doing for the sake of doing; satisfying the ego which is never satisfied.  Life is about living.  Living is about breathing.  Life is about give and take; you breathe in that which sustains you and you breathe out that which you don’t need.  If this process doesn't happen in our daily activities, at some point, you will burn out. Or, you may be overcome by the things that are detrimental to you. 

I recently attended a ministerial retreat led by my Pastor/boss.  The main focus of the retreat was self-care.  One comment that resonated with me was this: “We laud people doing the things that kill them.” At a funeral, we celebrate all of her great works: she was always there for others, she worked extremely hard, and she was always serving the community and putting others first. And then we eulogize their works after a massive stroke, untreated disease, poor eating habits, stress, and lack of self-care as a result of the said work.

Self-care is as important in our daily routine as is breathing.  If one doesn't care for self, how can one care for others.  Care, in this statement, can be substituted with love, honor, respect, compassion, patience, and peace.  Self-care is the fuel of life.  It is the breath of our dreams.  It is the sustainer of present in order to make it to our future. 

I have lost my dreams.  I have become a giver and not a receiver.  I have become lost in the busy-ness of life that I failed to handle the business of my life which is self-care.  My hopes and dreams are out there in the universe waiting for me to keep still to in order to see it and receive it.  Dreams are born out of circumstance.  Yes, how can one dream if one focuses on the circumstance instead of the promise? Living in the moment is about realizing who you are as a foundation of what’s to come.  Living in the moment is about knowing “I Am” and will be.  Living in the moment is about envisioning your future, hopes and dreams as you live today taking the steps to make it to tomorrow. Tomorrow is making dreams come true.  Tomorrow is not promised so I live life to the fullest today charting my path for a possible tomorrow.  Tomorrow is about dreaming and dreaming big; knowing that all things are possible in Christ.  I must know it, believe it, and behave like I am a part of the divine universe; giving and taking while pausing for a moment to realize and enjoy the moment. 

I have lost my dreams; my hope for tomorrow; my vision to see the new thing G-d is doing.  So, I will stop, breathe, set boundaries, take care of self by making me a priority, and serve like Jesus would.  Then, and only then, will I invigorate my ability to dream and dream big!

Ready to dream again! 

And it does not yet appear what I shall be… 

Never Hopeless...Always Searching! 

Now behold the lamb ~ Women at the Cross 2014

The Executioner

It is amazing how one word can bring life or death. During Lenten season we (or at least we should) learn, reflect, witness, and experience a phenomena of life through death. There are countless scriptures of example:  rivers in the desert, dry bones that live, seeds dying in order to bring new life, dying to self in order to live and live more abundantly, and the ultimate death for life ~ Jesus, the crucifixion and the resurrection.

This Lenten season was particularly different for me.  The busyness of life kept me busy; study and prayer occurred but not at a sound, consistent approach; operation outside of my element which is to act reflect and act, take time out for self, and enjoying my introverted ways.  

So during Holy Week, I decided to make a change.  I was on the phone with a friend expressing a situation that hurt me.  He said "If you don't like something you have the power to change it."  Then I spoke with another friend who introduced a book called "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" and the art of meditation.  I have avoided meditation in the past, always making excuses: I don't have time, I can't sit still, my mind is too busy, I don't want to be alone/quiet/still, and I don't want to know what will be revealed during this time of meditation.  Nonetheless, I kept hearing my friends voice "If you don't like it, change it." 

I realized in order to get to the mountain one has to go through the valley.  Once at the mountain, only you and G-d know whether to move the mountain or garner the strength to climb.  So this notion of "if you don't like it change it" became a desire to obtain a heightened level of discernment: when to stay, leave, speak, listen, stop, go, do and be.  

So I began this journey of mediation and prayer with a goal to just Be; to sit in the presence of the Lord and be still.  Yes, everyday, I pray for my children, my grandson, my estranged sister, my enemies, my "frienemies," sick and shut in, bereaved... yet these moments of meditation is to let G-d be G-d and availing myself to bask in the Lord's presence.  

During a time of atonement, the word execute came to mind/heart.  WOW! One word that can bring life or death in an instant. Execute means to put in effect, to make happen, to implement; yet, it means to kill, to carry out a death sentence, to put to death.  In my line of work I am charged with being the executioner ~ the executive minister who makes things happen, makes a way for ministries to succeed, meet people where they are in order to move beyond their current moment and journey together toward transformation in Christ... I have an amazing job! I serve youth and young adults, I get to meet amazing people, I train, develop, teach, preach... this is my dream come true! 

The reality is, just as quick as I am the executioner ~ the one who makes things happen, I am also the executioner ~ the one who puts things to death.  My negative response can kill a dream, my anger can hurt a soul, my busyness can edge out G-d (ego,) my conforming to my surroundings can destroy G-d's will in my life and in the lives of others.  My execution can either speak life or death. My execution can either bring something to life or shut something down in an instant.  

The key to discerning "which executioner am I?" is reconciling my intent.  My intent should not be to disregard, demean, degrade, disrespect, dismiss, or damage; even if something must die and I am called to execute, I must do so out of Love, forward movement, desired transformation, and spiritual reconciliation.  

Jesus dying on the cross was a horrific, painful, inhumane, evil, heinous experience.  G-d allowing, witnessing, crying, ordering, sustaining, and implementing this life through death experience was mysterious and cathartic. Jesus' resurrection was the culmination of the execution at the cross: life and death occurring in a three-day experience. The execution became the execution of  G-d's plan; G-d's plan to save us of our sin for an opportunity at everlasting life, a plan to teach us there is life in death, a plan to set the example for us to live life and live it more abundantly, a plan to teach us to seek things eternal despite what the mind's eye may see, a plan to execute G-d's plan while using human plans to do so. 

I am the executioner: implementing G-d's will on my life while removing, killing, destroying that which adversely impacts G-d's will on my life. With this comes a level of discernment, assessment, reflection, actualization, realization, and Truth ~ realizing even in death I have an opportunity to live and speak life in my life and in the lives of others.  I am the executioner: executing G-d's words and precepts as the guiding force of my thoughts, words, deeds and destiny.  I am the executioner: living out unconditional positive regard for self and others. I am the executioner: seeing G-d in all things and making G-dly responses in the midst of.  I am the executioner: ordained by G-d for such a time as this: removing negative intent, reconciling ego with my spiritual intelligence, keeping G-d's laws on my heart, and pressing my way (our way) through the valley.  I am the executioner for G-d, no longer killing with my words and deeds, no longer conforming to the false power of the world, no longer seeking worldly pleasure.  I am the Executioner! Which executioner are you?

Never hopeless ~ Forever searching...