At the age of 10 I had my first "big" birthday party ~ pretty dress, hair freshly pressed, happy birthday crown upon my head, and mommy's chocolate cake from scratch...
At age 13 during my time at East Harlem Performing Arts School, Kool and the Gang sang happy birthday to me...
Ages 18-20 something birthdays were filled with very worldly partying, ski trips, week-long celebrations...
At the age of 23 I celebrated my birthday at home with my mom who just came home from the hospital after being on a respirator for weeks during her battle with multiple myeloma and kidney failure. She came home on my birthday, we ate home made soul food and her famous cake from scratch. That moment was a moment I would never forget for she died a few weeks later on March 28th.
As I fast forward to 2009: grown, in seminary in Atlanta, away from my children and family, I found myself planning some time of self-care and pampering. So on March 7th I planned to do a mani/pedi, eat, drink and be merry. My plans came to a halt when I received a call from my brother (from another mother) telling me to call my (step) mom. I called only to find out my dad fell ill. I was not told of the magnitude of the moment but I was told to come home immediately. Through my tears we hurried back to the dorm; yep, my studio with a twin bed, small refrigerator/kitchenette, and wooden furniture. My mother in the ministry booked a one way flight to NY. I threw clothes in a bag and made my way to the airport.
Two days before my birthday, a day I would normally celebrate with my girls in our own special way, I am on my way to NY on Frontier Airlines with tears in my eyes, phone ringing non-stop, and a fear of the unknown. Two days before my birthday I am listening to music that soothes my soul experiencing the longest plane ride to NY ever!
So I arrive in NY met by my sisters who tell me our dad just had a massive stroke! So in G-d's infinite grace and mercy, my dad remained on life support through my birthday. So on March 9th 2009, as my family filled the ICU waiting room, my sisters and I went to One Fish Two Fish and celebrated in the midst of this transition....
My dad died two days later...
My birthday has taken on a whole new meaning: a new appreciation of life ~ seeing G-d in the midst of change/loss/grief/new beginnings ~ a time of reflection and remembrance ~ a time to receive love, blessings, and well wishes ~ a moment to love and celebrate self...
A time to stay in the bed all day; no parties, trips, excursions, friends, sisters... Just me, G-d, FB and my IPhone. My birthday has taken on a whole new meaning...
Bittersweet, sad, happy, loving, private, peaceful, and quiet. My birthday has taken on a whole new meaning...
Thanks for listening!
Never hopeless ~ forever searching...
