Surviving & Thriving in the Midst of a Good Friday Experience

Moment of reflection: 

After a celebratory experience on Palm Sunday, Jesus finds himself fulfilling the scriptures by facing hurt, pain, humiliation, degradation, and ultimate death for all to see.  

For me, this was a time of deep reflection, gratitude, and prayer. Some of you knew of the recent challenges I was facing. Please allow me to bring everyone up to speed on has been going on in my/our world:

I had been ill since December 2018: fatigue, fevers, numerous hospital/doctor's visits, 5-day hospitalization in February due to a massive nose bleed, change in my treatment plan that included removing me off of the immunotherapy. Although the immunotherapy kept NED (No Evidence of Disease) and me together, it was adversely impacting other parts of my body including my liver, spleen, kidneys... It was like having the flu every day since December.  

The decision to remove me from the clinical trial (immunotherapy) came after performing a PET scan. My immune system was in overdrive, my calcium was out of control, and my lymph nodes were hyperactive. Once I was removed off of the immunotherapy and performed the PET scan, a small mass was discovered under my left breast which was one of the places cancer previously appeared.  They did a biopsy and it was cancerous.  

We were absolutely SHOCKED! I have been on this healing journey for two and a half years. I had an aggressive recurrence in May of 2017. The immunotherapy was working since June of 2017 until it began to negatively impact the rest of my body. NED left me by showing up as a small mass the size of a pinky nail. It was smart enough to leave the confines of controlled cancer and show up as a "HER 2 Negative mass." This is how smart and aggressive cancer is.  I am HER2+ and this little sucker shows up as HER2 Negative?!?!!?!? 

I had surgery on April 26th to remove the tumor.  I am grateful this was isolated and cancer had not spread anywhere else in my body.  Once the tumor was removed I recovered for 4-weeks and then radiation for 6-weeks.  There was a 4-week recovery because while the tumor will be removed, my implants will be replaced with tissue expanders for radiation and to remove the textured implants that are known to possibly cause a type of lymphoma (I was tested for this and it was negative ~ praise G-d). 

On this Good Friday I was reflecting on the death of this tumor and any other cancer that may be hiding somewhere; hence the importance of radiation.  This Good Friday was about reflecting on the death/loss/change in my health while celebrating and anticipating what's to come through new life, new outlooks on living my best life with cancer, and availing myself to the resurrection of people, places and things that give me life and life abundantly. Good Friday was a reminder that we will have trials and tribulations ~ we may be hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed (2 Corinthians 4:8). 

Yes, I was shocked, disappointed, angry, and saddened by this recurrence ~ yet:
I was grateful it is the size of my pinky nail and will be addressed
I was ironically grateful for this surgery that I am all too familiar with
I felt strong and confident about what was to come
Tears were cleansing and a form of restoration
Lamenting was worship (thank you Mother Carolyn Habersham) 
I was grateful for my tribe particularly my children who have had to endure some trying times
I was grateful for my village who continues to pray for me, check in on me, and love me through this!

Thank you for journeying with me! #cancercannot #lovemyvillage #lovemytribe 

Just grateful, 
Tawana 


never hopeless ~ always searching 

Go Deeper!

G-d had work for her to do on the other side
All things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to G-d's purpose (Romans 8:28)
G-d didn't give you a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:17)
G-d needed him
G-d has work for you to do so you will be healed
Praise G-d for there are some out there worse off than you...

This is just a small caption of what some would deem comforting words; from losing a loved one or going through a challenging time such as cancer.  These words, some scripture, are just words without context (Sitz im Leben), meaning, feeling, spirit, light, and love. Going deeper is more than saying words that are comforting to the one reciting them hoping to bring that same comfort to the receiver. Going deeper is asking the question(s): is this helpful? Where is the Most High in what I am about to say? How may I be encouraging through the spirit; beyond the situation or circumstance? May I be present and not say a word but journey with the beloved?

There are times when I find going deeper is a risk that triggers past (and current) hurts, disappointments, shame, guilt, unresolved anger, and lack of healing. Going deeper is opening self to risk to draw closer to G-d and to love with unconditional positive regard.  Going deeper is building relationships that require some semblance of trust. WHOA! Trust? I'd rather quote my scripture and pray for the person than open up my heart at the risk of it being wounded (again).

Going deeper is moving beyond what you see and trusting G-d in the midst of the process. Going deeper is responding to situations and circumstance that call us to move through our feelings and situations toward healing, transformation, change, restoration, and liberation from what has kept us in bondage.  Similar to the work of activism.

I have learned, embraced, and embodied the teachings of people like Audre Lorde, Angela Davis, Kimberly Crenshaw, Melva Sampson, Lisa Allen-Mclaurin, Patricia Collins, Maya Angelou, Emily Townes, Teresa Fry Brown, Regina Groff, Carolyn Habersham, Dawn Riley Duval, Carolyn Tyler Guidry, Carolyn McCrary...just to name a few activist scholars :). I have learned the imperative importance to center Black womxn through our writings, storytelling, preaching, and teaching.  I have embraced the importance of self-care especially as a Black womxn in this beautiful dark-skinned Black body that is fighting breast cancer.

Going deeper for me on this journey meant going inward. I have been a doer/worker/giver since age 21. Prior to that, I didn't know any better. It was at age 16 that I learned my life had to change otherwise I would not make it very far in this life.  It was at 16 I had my daughter and she changed my life.  The next milestone of change was when I was 21 my mother was diagnosed with multiple myeloma at age 56.  I became her caregiver.  Still working but working differently as a giver - a caregiver of my mom, my daughter, and my younger brother and sister. Then, going deeper didn't even exist for me.  I worked outward, never looking at my past or inward to heal the many hurts I had experienced.  The opening words I used as examples meant very little to me.  My mom was dying. One of the most caring, loving, sacrificial, giving, beautiful people on this planet was dying. No, my mother did not have the opportunity to live with multiple myeloma. We did not have the language for that and the scriptures did not resonate because context and stories and transparency did not follow the said "quotes."  My mother died on March 28, 1993, at the age of 58. This did not make sense to me. So I had to learn to go deeper; relying on faith and learning of the G-d in me and not just the G-d of the universe out there somewhere.

Going deeper was seeing the beauty in death.  I served as a resident chaplain at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta where I learned the beauty of death. So when my dad died suddenly, it came with tears, pain, and gratitude for the time we had together as well as the peace I experienced during this death.  The day of this death my dad was able to spend time with all three of his girls: I was in Atlanta so I spoke with him on the phone that morning until it was time for him to pick up my sister and take her to John Jay College only to head back home to be with his wife to prepare for a wedding.  I can only imagine the beauty of getting ready for the wedding for they were royalty.  They dressed as such; regal, pristine, divine, magical, and beautiful. They never made it to the wedding. My dad had a massive stroke while getting dressed.  I received a call from a dear friend telling me my dad was ill and I should come home asap.  This was two days before my birthday on March 7, 2009.  I was out getting a mani/pedis with Mother Carolyn.  We rushed back to the dorm. My classmates packed a bag and I was on a direct flight within a couple hours. It was the longest flight to NY.  My sisters met me at the airport. Please note, I still did not know of the severity of my dad's illness until I greeted my sisters and we got in the car. They told me daddy had a massive stroke and was on life support.  We arrived at the hospital, I pulled myself together and entered the room where there was love, light, and peace all around him.  I had to go deeper.  I had to trust G-d. Through the hurt and tears, I had to look beyond what I was seeing and lean on G-d.  March 10, the day after my birthday, the doctors told us we had a decision to make. We could take him off life support or we could leave him on indefinitely.  The three of us, me, his wife and my sister immediately turned to G-d and asked G-d to take this out of our hands and for G-d's will to be done.  That night my dad began to transition with his wife by his side. My sister and I joined them around 5am to say our earthly goodbyes.  March 11th was the day I realized the beauty and healing of death for myself.  Going deeper at times may not make earthly or human sense.  As Jennifer Leath says, somethings we will not have answers to... somethings we will not figure out... but one thing we do know/should know is our hope and faith will carry us through bringing us a peace that surpasses understanding (yep, I am paraphrasing because chemo brain is real). In that moment and the days to come, with my mom and my dad, I learned to go deeper in many ways including celebrating the life I was blessed to witness and experience.  I learned the ancestors are still speaking, watching, and guiding us from the ancestral heavenly place. Going deeper was/is seeing through the eyes of my soul.

Going deeper with a chronic disease is no easy task.  I have been diagnosed with HER2+ Stage IV metastatic breast cancer.  I will be in treatment indefinitely every three weeks.  I am currently addressing a recurrence in my left breast and will undergo surgery on April 26th with radiation to follow.  Cancer sucks (lament) ~ I am still here (Praise) ~ G-d is working it out through me, the doctors, the medicine, my praying and supportive tribe, and village (hope & trust).  I don't ascribe to the theology of I should be grateful because someone else is worse off than me. I celebrate what G-d is doing for them for their journey is just different.  I pray for and with them.  I journey with them as they journey with me.  I pray they have support. And if they don't try to find support like the Stomp Out Breast Cancer Foundation Inc. in Denver, CO. We share stories of successes and failures for it is in both we must learn to go deeper and see G-d in the midst of it all.  I constantly center Black women and women of color who are either denied access to life-saving medication or do not have access at all. I am grateful I have both and would love to see others surviving and thriving or just living to die from cancer.  I center Black women for society deems us invisible. I center Black women with the hopes of setting the example and giving language to other women in marginalized groups to encourage them to be the heretics (Tribes by Seth Godin) and go against the status quo unapologetically, unashamedly, boldly, mystically, and beautifully.

Whatever you may be going through; cancer, mental health challenges, houselessness, oppression, abuse, poverty, incarceration, unjust violence at the hands of law enforcement, loss of a child or a loved one, other diseases and ailments, I encourage you to go deeper.  Spirituality differs from religion.  You may not be at the religious phase yet. Spirituality offers one to go deeper; experiencing the G-d in you to connect with the G-d of the universe which in-turn connects one to a religion - religious behavior that reminds us daily of what we must do to move through our situation and circumstance trusting and believing me and G-d will get through this.  Spiritual religion, cultural religion, familial religion (Tribes by Seth Godin - paraphrase) is rooted in self-love, self-care, and community.  We are inextricably bound.  I am because you are.  I am in the process of healing and it is important to me that my community heal as well.

I invite you to go deeper.

Never hopeless ~ always searching
Tawana

4:40

I find myself at least 3-5 times a week opening my eyes at exactly 4:40. Not inspired by Jay-Z but wondering if this is the time I received the call my dad was transitioning from life to death to reward.  I believe I received the call around this time. I sat up on the couch in our apartment on 140th street in Harlem and I played Whitney Houston's version of I Love the Lord about 20 times before awaking my children to let them know I was on my way to the hospital because their grandfather was dying.

Yet, this morning my 4:40 eye opener was not just about my daddy.  My soul was grieving:
For Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin islands who are in the throws of another hurricane as I type.
For Mexico who has experienced another devastating earthquake.
For the woman who got into a fight. Two human beings fought. Police were involved. This was her first offense. After the community tried to rally behind her because she worked in the community and served her community and she got into a fight - even the woman she fought professed to the judge and others that she threw the first punch - the woman who has an infant daughter was sentenced to 6-months in jail. There were other options such as probation, anger management, possible house arrest... I don't know... I am not a lawyer or judge but in my human spirit-filled imagination there were other options than to separate this young woman from her family for 6-months.
For the fight for my life as I battle stage III HER2 positive breast cancer everyday hoping that the world will heal along with me. Facing the dis-ease. Naming it. Calling its name to cast it out back to the pit of hell where it belongs.
For St. Louis!
For this country where white people actually think that #45 is doing a great job. These are not people living under a rock.  These are people that lead others, work in hospitals, politicians, business leaders, community leaders, Black people caught up in a white mentality of oppression, self-aggrandizement, and false power.
For the millions who will lose their healthcare and countless others like me who now have a pre-existing condition and may be at risk of losing my healthcare.
For the women. The women in our world. The women in our zion. The women who are silenced. The women who are marginalized. The women who continue to speak, stand, and fight. The women who insert themselves into a narrative of bigotry and misogyny to combat the status quo and demand an inalienable right to live and live life abundantly.
For those who don't love themselves enough to love others.
For the fact that I may never watch the NFL again.
For my children and my grandson and for other people's children. My humanity is inextricably bound in a world full of hate and this hurts!
4:40 you have greeted me once again - see you tomorrow!

Never hopeless ~ always searching!
soul2soulsisters.org

Moving from Victim to Survivor ~ 31 Days of Voice and Reflection

I am Tawana Davis and I am a Survivor!

31 Days of Reflective Healing ~ My Testimony ~ Moving from Victim to Survivor

October 1^st

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month ~ every day I will share a personal story to continue to put a face to domestic violence and to bring awareness to the silent suffering and/or killer (or at least I will do my best.)

It takes courage to be on FB. Trusting the privacy settings, blocking "him" every time he creates a new page to send a message or to "friend me," blocking our mutual friends, making sure my privacy settings are as private as possible...It took courage to post this picture ~ taking away power and control from him and acknowledging the power I have: the power to heal, strengthen, and love... self and others... all in Christ Jesus.

Thank you G-d for strength and courage. Thank you for the trust I put in you and not in (hu)man. Thank you for family, friends, and FB friends that rally around me and give me love and strength. This month will be a long, cathartic, and emotional journey; yet, it is one I am willing to take for the sake of empowering/enlightening/saving a life!

‪#‎domesticviolence ‪#‎beaware ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎bewise‪#‎stayprayerful

October 2^nd

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: "Trust G-d not the process ~ Trust G-d to work through the process" ~ What a powerful lesson learned. I finally had enough courage to press charges and get an order of protection. I was in Atlanta at the time (yes, he followed me to ATL) ~ After submitting a thousand call logs and threatening VMs he was arrested. While in court, I was at one table and he was at the other. The judge clearly said do not talk to each other talk to me. And what does he do, he continues to talk to me. The judge says nothing and speaks to me as if I am the offender/perpetration/abuser ~ the two female court clerks diminish my plight by defending him ~ the court officers further victimized me... I was crushed and began to regret trusting the system. My mother in Ministry Rev. Carolyn Habersham traveled with me every step of the way and kept reminding me to trust G-d... He was sentenced to one year in prison with 5-years probation.

The system further victimized me but G-d vindicated me, deemed me victorious and showed G-dself mighty in the midst of my plight!
8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. (II Corinthians 4:8-9)
‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎truestory ‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth
Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Please know, I had to inform my children of what I was doing to put ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ~ My amazingly supportive daughter said: "Thanks for the heads up. It feels a little uncomfortable reading the words and taking my mind back to that place; but it's not my story to tell. I trust that your face to DV would bless someone to not be ashamed to tell their story and speak out against DV and say 'no more' in their Oliva Benson voice" ~ I responded "It is your story to tell ~ you were greatly impacted ~ I just love you for your support then and now!" (and then I said really??? Oliva Benson ~ LOL)
Domestic Violence impacts the victim/abused/offended as well as children, family, friends, and colleagues... ‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth‪#‎speakup ‪#‎survivors ‪#‎welovelawandorderSVU ‪#‎thanksOliviaBenson‪#‎truestory

Post from Big T

Every generation has an indoctrination to Domestic Violence. I clearly remember my experience watching blacksploitation movies of the 70s. For a lot they are fondly remembered for me not so much.
Watching women routinely degraded to their sexual prowess as their only redeeming value. Pretty face small in the waste. T&A arm pieces.
I was never comfortable when the women would get pimped slapped around and called "my B#*%h or my Hoe". The ladies reply "yes daddy"in the movie and the boys around me would laugh.
These examples were never part of my reality. My father honored my mom in every way (his queen). Never called her out of her name never a hand raised to her. I was lucky, some of my friends didn't have my experience and those blacksploitation movie images reinforced a behavior that was in their homes.
This current generation has music that pumps straight into their brains daily, hourly, by the minute and seconds. Messaging domination, ownership, sexual exploits, violence. 24 hour uncensored cable programing. Porn at their finger tips dehumanizing behavior shaping their undeveloped brains. Through this exposure both victims and perpetrators can be groomed.
"Lord please have your healing hands on the women, girls, boys and men who've been victimized by people who claim they love them. Touch them Lord ease their pain in their time of need, let them recognize the help you are sending them, and in that they recognize by your power they are healed and transformed".
If you want DV to stop you must start with protecting the women and nurturing the children. Music is not just music and movies are not just movies to undeveloped brains. They are training tools to Domestic Violence Sexual predatory behavior and destruction.
No one deserves to be beat on, terrorized and traumatized. You were born to be free, live free, die free. Don't stay, find the strength to get away, take action trust God.
I am not saying it is easy to leave. I'm saying there is help out here. When you're ready.
To all the DV Survivors out there and there are many of you, God Bless you, keep reclaiming YOU, and creating the peace and world you want. Tawana PhDbound Davis, Sis Imani S Latif, Dr Carroll Watkins Ali, Towanna Henderson,Penny DeNoble IssueofBlood, Shontel Lewis, Dr Nita Mosby Henry, Taitianna Smith Tina White, Rachel Romano Hughes

October 3^rd

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Repost ~ "We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone."
Personal reflection:
I thought taking me to work and picking me up everyday was a loving gesture
I thought calling me several times a day was caring
I thought wanting to spend time with me was intimate...
Until it became obsessive, controlling, possessive, isolating, intimidating, insecure, unreasonable, aggressive, demanding...and downright abusive (physically, verbally, sexually and spiritually)
It was all about power and control that had me and my family living in fear.
‪#‎domesticviolenceawareness ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence‪#‎noteasytotalkabout ‪#‎soimagethesilencewhensomeoneisstillinit

October 4^th

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: *Disclaimer ~ In a previous post I stated "Trust G-d not the process ~ Trust G-d to work through the process" ~ Please note, I was referring to the unjust justice system and how this unjust system treats women, in particular, DV victims. The amazing and incomparable Rev. Dr. Teresa Fry Brown preached a sermon "Trust the Process." ~ The process: the refining process, the work, the journey, the valley experience...
I am grateful for what I have been through because I am on the other side of through. I have learned regrets only remain regrets if we don't learn from them and experience the strength and wisdom it produces. I am grateful for the process; even more, I am grateful for G-d in the process. When I thought I was going to die ~ G-d was in the process! When the system let me down ~ G-d was in the process! When I had to move abruptly ~ G-d was in the process!
Today I offer you to trust G-d, trust the process of life, trust G-d in the process. Please know its through the process you will come out like a diamond in the rough.
‪#‎domesticviolenceawareness ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎beencouraged

October 5^th

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Moving from victim to survivor is difficult.. On average, it takes a victim seven times to leave before staying away for good. Exiting the relationship is most unsafe time for a victim. As the abuser senses that they’re losing power, they will often act in dangerous ways to regain control over their victim.
And once you have safely become a survivor, one must learn to deal with the physical, mental, social, spiritual residual memories:
When I see the scar on my hand
When I walk down the stairs (I envision him waiting in the cut like he used to)
When I see someone with his body type
When a strange number calls my phone
When I see a 678 number
When I am going home alone I continue to remain alert and watch my surroundings
I don't answer blocked calls
The list could go on and on...
I am a survivor by the grace of G-d ~ The Lord said forget the former things for I am about to do a new thing... G-d created us as supreme beings therefore it is difficult to totally erase things from ones memory. I believe the scripture is encouraging us not to get caught up in the past, good or bad, but to use our experiences to propel us forward ~ don't get stuck on the good and think more highly of oneself and don't get stuck on the bad and neglect to see the good work G-d has begun in you and will complete!
My memories bring tears to my eyes at times yet I can't help but smile and give G-d praise because I am still here! I am still standing! And I am healed in Jesus name!
‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence‪#‎beencouraged ‪#‎besafe

October 6^th

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Monday is one of my study days. My first paper is a Reflective Leadership Essay which requires me to be contemplative about life events and at some point tie it in with leadership. Needless to say, being a victim of DV is a large part of my reflective essay.
It wasn't until I was sitting in class at ITC (seminary) when I realized I was a victim of DV. I knew I was going through arduous times with my husband but I never labeled it as DV. This was extremely important! It was then and only then I attended local DV classes every Wednesday for a year: learning of the cycle, safety plans, the unjust justice system, isolation, power, control, tactics... and the fact that I was not alone.
Even after all of this exposure, I still tried to deal with this on my own ~ thinking he would change or better yet, I could change him and almost lost my life because of it.
I had to learn that the Bible is not a belt used to beat you
I had to learn that forgiveness comes in many different forms including never having to tell the person you forgive them especially when they think there is nothing to be forgiven
I had to learn to love myself AND to love myself more than him
I had to learn to replace fear with faith and action.
I did not do this alone! I thank G-d for my ITC family including Rev. Lavonia Kess McIntyre, Rev. Dr. Carolyn McCrary, Rev. Dr. Willie Goodman, Rev. Dr.Lisa M. Allen-McLaurin, Rev. Carolyn Habersham and of course my family and friends who never left my side, supported and loved me through it all.
To G-d be the glory!
‪#‎domesticviolenceawareness ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence‪#‎thisisajourneynottobetraveledalone ‪#‎youdonthavetodothisbyyourself‪#‎stillstanding ‪#‎healing

October 7^th

Domestic Violence Awareness ~ ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ~ I was dating this guy who had an accident so we went to North General Hospital in Harlem where my dad was on the Board. The ER doctor was a beautiful 30 something year old. She took good care of my friend, stitched him up... We celebrated her, laughed together, and were grateful to have a young sister of color as an ER doc! Days later she was headline news ~ her and her 4-year old were killed by her husband in a murder suicide ~ the story mentioned a history of abuse, 911 calls, and police reports. Now she and her son were dead at the hands of her abuser ~ DV does not discriminate ~ it doesn't have a class or color or status! It impacts and affects women just like you...‪#‎domesticviolenceawareness ‪#‎letstalkaboutit

October 8^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: I received an email of this testimony from someone extremely near and dear to me ~ another face:
Pieces of Me
Moved by my friend’s courageous act to share her story in observance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I felt compelled as well to share my story of masking. Society has made great strides of being inclusive of all but yet the church still seems to be dragging its feet.
I entered into my first same-gender loving relationship at the age 25. I never knew what romantic love was until I loved her. Daily I witnessed her praising and thanking G-d for me because I was comprised of all she could ask for in a mate. We were dating only eight months before the abuse started. First there was emotional abuse that ultimately led to physical. After the first push into the wall I figured we could move pass that and continue to pursue our unconditional love for one another. I had no idea that was not the end but yet the beginning of what we be continuous months of fighting. I often thought to myself, “I’m a Senior Pastor of two congregations, I don’t fight! I preach Sunday after Sunday about G-d’s forgiving love.” My friends noticed marks in different places on me but I knew not to mention that I was being beaten by my lover at home.
I can still recall that one night before a seminary luncheon. People perceived me as confident and powerful so I dared not let anyone see the marks in my face or neck. I woke up hours before the luncheon to take time to perfect my make-up so that no one would see my scars. You best believe that when I stepped foot out my door that day my make-up was so flawlessly done that one would believe I was going to some sort of Ebony/Essence photo shoot. Once at the luncheon, so many friends and colleagues complimented me on how gorgeous I looked and that’s really all I wanted to hear. I can’t put into words how empty I felt inside. I wanted a safe space/community to say that I was suffering at my lover’s hand at home but yet pride allowed me to suffer in silence. There were a number of times I considered taking my own life but I didn't have the energy to do so. It was hard for me to actually live in reality. I couldn't believe that the women I loved so could cause me such a pain.
I've heard several sermons about Lot’s wife and how her disobedience caused her to turn into a pillar of salt. For me, she was a stranger in her own home so looking back was her way of changing her status. I could relate to being a stranger in my own home because daily my lover treated me like one of her criminals. She was a fine officer of the law, to protect and serve was what she swore to do the day she graduated from the police academy. If only that mission was prevalent in our home. I recall preaching a sermon titled “Something in Me That Won’t Let Me Die.” It was through that sermon that I gained strength to break my silence. I didn't go sounding a bull horn but G-d strategically placed me where I needed to be in order to share with those who were suffering in silence as well.
It’s been four years since I ended the relationship. I’m healed by the grace of G-d but daily I’m reminded when I see the scars that are ever so visible. Domestic Violence is real in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. I challenge each of you to be a “safe-sacred space’’ for someone to break their silence.
‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎letstalkaboutit ‪#‎faithoverfear ‪#‎besafe‪#‎beencouraged ‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth ‪#‎breakthesilence
Thank you so much for your courage to share 

October 9^th

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ~ this has been a tough journey of retrospection and introspection and it's only day 9 ~ so I will pause, breathe, and continue to pray ~ especially for those who sent emails, text, and made calls to say thank you, what shall I do, and I have a story too... There are many faces to DV and it is my prayer we talk about it, stop the judgment, and heal... ‪#‎thatsall ‪#‎Icantoday‪#‎domesticviolenceawareness

October 10^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: yep, I do realize it may be hard for some to read such personal stories ~ yes, I realize that, for the sake of my loved ones, I will not tell it all ~ yet, I realize there are people out there suffering in silence, wondering if this is going to be their last day on this earth or what lie they will tell to cover up the abuse ~ as a matter of fact I realize there are some abusers a who quickly scroll past my posts... So for the survivor, for the process of healing, for the victim, shame, fear, hurt, and pain.... A Face to Domestic Violence will continue...  ‪#‎domesticviolenceawareness‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎letstalkaboutit ‪#‎prayingfortheperpertrator‪ #‎pressingmywaythrough

October 11^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: SHAME ~ To cover literally or figuratively. It is a state of mind/being which may result in embarrassment, disgrace, and/or humiliation. Internalized shame is when you become the aforementioned: I am a disgrace ~ I am shame ~ I am embarrassed... Domestic Violence victims are stuck in this toxic web of internalized shame resulting from life experiences coupled with their abusive situation. Some are so stuck they don't realize the situation they are in is toxic, unhealthy, and dangerous. Mental, physical, emotional, financial, spiritual forms of abuse (overt or covert) are toxic.
Talking about DV helps to reduce (and prayerfully obliterate) the shame, enlighten the victim, and provide the tools needed for deliverance in one way, shape, and/or form. Let us uncover DV and expose it for what it really is ~ too many of us of suffering in silence; at home, work, church... Let's talk about it!
‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎letstalkaboutit ‪#‎nolongerashamed‪#‎andIwontletyouputmetoshame

October 12^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: while living on the campus of ITC in Atlanta, GA my abuser not only found his was to Atlanta but moved into an apartment right up the street. I couldn't travel alone. I couldn't drive my car. We had to give his picture to all the professors and security guards (and please know he tried several times to get on campus.) every morning and every night I would read, recite, state, and affirm the following two scriptures: Psalm 34 & Psalm 91 ~ I would lay prostrate on the floor with tears in my eyes each time for the fear engulfed me ~ I had to read and re-read these scriptures to help me get to a place were I could bless The Lord at all times or fear The Lord and not my abuser... It was G-d's word that saved me and protected me, my family and friends! It was the word of G-d that helped me to focus on G-d and not my situation! It was the word that gave me strength to press forward and receive the healing and deliverance that was before me! Thank you G-d for your word that will never lose its power! ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence‪#‎domesticviolenceawareness ‪#‎safeinHisarms

October 13^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: Why I do what I do... "There is a certain hesitation about dwelling on events of the past. On the one hand, it creates an atmosphere of determinism which removes the volitional possibilities of people to alter their condition. It tends to excuse the perpetuation of past events which could be altered simply by initiative. It preoccupies people unnecessarily and purposelessly with old hurt, tending old wounds. It's is an emotional tirade that ultimately provides no constructive solutions for the present. But those who deny the lessons of the past are doomed to repeat them. Those who fail to recognize that the past is a shaper of the present, and the hand of yesterday continues to write on the slate of today, leave themselves vulnerable by not realizing the impact of influences which do serve to shape their lives" Naim Akbar ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence‪#‎learnedlifelessons ‪#‎sharingwithotherssowemayallbesafeandfree‪#‎domesticviolenceawarnessmonth

October 14^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: It is not easy being a survivor! I had the opportunity to preach for our Annual Celebrate Pink Sunday. Celebrating Pink is about celebrating survivors. I realized, no matter the life threatening circumstance you survived, survivorship is an ongoing process and work-in-progress ~ The reminders, the memories, the social stigma, the shame, the fear... the faith! Whether you are a breast cancer survivor or a domestic violence survivor, I pause to honor your strength and courage as you live our loud the art of survivorship. Please keep sharing your story... you just never know who you may bless and encourage! ‪#‎itsnoteasybeingpink‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence‪#‎letstalkaboutit

October 15^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: The American Psychiatric Association says that women remain in abusive relationships for many reasons: lack of finances, poor self-esteem, children and even religious and cultural values. In some cases some felt they had done something wrong and deserved it.‪#‎whyIstayed

I realized that staying was not an option; I knew I had to escape! Like a prisoner of war, I devised a strategic plan that took months to execute... I waited for the right moment. When that moment came I bounced. The day he knew that he had no choice but to leave quietly, I was free at last -- or at least that's what I thought. I had to leave to save my life! I had to leave because I finally learned to love myself! ‪#‎WhyILeft

I share my story to safe a life. I tell my story to place a face to DV instead of "stupid" "dumb" "weak." I share my story because talking about it brings light to darkness. I tell my story because I know I am not alone and I want others to know they are not alone! ‪#‎whyItalkaboutit ‪#‎Letstalkaboutit‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence

October 16^th

Domestic Violence Awareness:
‪#‎whyIstayed
Thought I was in love (but how could I love others if I didn't love myself)
The Bible says...
He needs help and I can help him
G-d sent him to me...
The shame of getting a divorce
The hope that things will change
Wanted a husband to protect me from myself...
Wanted the fairytale
Wanted to set an example for my children

SN: the dots mean I could say soooo much more (and I am sure I will as soon as the Lord helps me with the words to say...)

‪#‎whyIleft
I finally learned to love me!
To save my life! 
To save the lives of my family and friends!

‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎letstalkaboutit‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth ‪#‎besafe

October 17^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence
"I will bury you next to your father"
That's all I can personally share at this time. 
‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth ‪#‎letstalkaboutit

http://www.buzzfeed.com/spenceralthouse/10-survivors-of-domestic-violence-quoting-the-people-who-att?bffb&utm_term=4ldqpgp#ivivfy

October 18^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: It takes a village to cross the bridge from victim to survivor. It takes love, support, prayers, and guidance to continue on the journey of survivorship: self-esteem must be reestablished, self-love instituted, courage and strength is needed to remain a survivor.

Tanya Davis with the support of Shorter Community AME Church has been leading this Domestic Violence Awareness and Support group for two years. Ladies 16+ please come out to this amazing ministry symposium on DV. Victims, survivors, and friends/family are welcome to attend. Saturday, October 25th at 1:00 PM ‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎letstalkaboutit

October 19^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: "Nothing ever gets healed if you keep it covered up" ~ we can cover up our bruises ~ we can cover up our emotional, spiritual, physical wounds ~ we can cover up the hurt and pain ~ we can cover up the hurtful and hateful judgment of others ~ and never be healed and delivered.... "Healing begins when someone bears witness" ~ so let's talk about it and let the healing begin! ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence‪#‎prayingforvictimsandsurvivors ‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth

Please note: there are times when we must be the voice for the voiceless: victims may want to speak out but won't due to fear for their lives ~ survivors may not speak up and out because of shame AND continued fear of their lives. ~ so when I say let's talk about it I mean any and all who are willing and able to uncover and create a space for healing for all ~ ‪#‎ittakesavillage

October 20^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: I do realize as I am putting‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence using my story and the story of others, like a preacher, I am speaking to the abused and the abuser ~ the survivor and the victim ~ the affected and effected... therefore, it is important for me to speak my truth which prayerfully will lead us to The Truth about domestic violence and the eradication thereof. When we talk about it we create a space of healing, deliverance, and transformation for all.

SN: FB is a public forum. Despite settings and precautions, it is extremely risky to place my story in the atmosphere. I have blocked my abuser, any mutual friends, and had to delete some who decided to accept his friend request; they, in turn, were blocked as well. Despite the risk, my trust, faith, and wisdom is rooted in G-d with a hope that someone reading these posts will be encouraged, get the necessary help, and save a life (most likely their own.) ‪#‎letstalkaboutit ‪#‎faithoverfear ‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth

Domestic Violence Awareness: "Gay, who first talked about his experience with domestic violence several years ago, said keeping the conversation alive now is healthy for him, and hopefully helpful for others."

“It was therapy for me, that’s why I started talking about it,” said Gay. “By me talking about it, it helped me grow as a man. I am talking about it because my mom went through it. She was the one who lost her life. Anything to keep her voice alive I am willing to do.” ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎letstalkaboutit ~ Thank you for sending this to me my sister in Christ!‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth

http://www.steelers.com/news/article-1/Gay-Anything-to-keep-her-voice-alive-/35157a79-5dee-48d2-bf3a-e219df8e9333

http://www.wcspittsburgh.org/RUSafe

October 21^st

Domestic violence awareness: you don't know what you don't know ~ so when asked what can I (we) do to help? Here are some things that can be done:
"...Preaching a sermon
Conducting a workshop
Writing a poem
Exegeting text
Singing a song
Leading a lament
Reviewing the fine print of your covenant with God 
About violence against girls and women
Listening
Listening
Listening
Those same awful shame – provoking stories over and over again
A touch on the hand
Wiping a tear
Sitting in silence
Letting her see your tears
Maybe even a calculated hug..."
(An excerpt from an article written by. Rev. Dr. Carolyn McCrary ~ ITC Professor ~ Intimate Violence Against Women) 
‪#‎learnaboutit ‪#‎talkaboutit ‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence

October 22^nd

Domestic violence awareness ~ I am so grateful for my sisters Tara and Tracey! When I was together with my abuser they loved me, affirmed who I was in Christ, never demeaned me nor judged me ~ they held me when I was broken ~ gave me a place to stay ~ stood by me (good, bad, or indifferent) ~ they realized I had to see for myself I was worth and deserved so much more including a safe, healthy, and loving life. They identified my abusive circumstance in a loving way ~ they knew they couldn't just tell me to leave (although they wanted too ~ to this day we don't speak his name) ~ they loved me through the pain and this gave me the strength to love myself enough to finally leave for good! Thank you for close to 30 years of friendship and sistering! I love you to life!!! ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth ‪#‎survivor

October 23^rd

Domestic Violence Awareness: grateful for the work of Maya Carter (see attached) ~ a young, beautiful, amazingly intelligent sister who is speaking out about violence and domestic violence in our communities! Keep up the good work! Thank you for a blessed conversation on last night!

Those in the Denver area ~ hope to see you Saturday at 1:00 PM MDT (see attached) ~ Tanya Davis ~ and join us for worship on. Sunday at 10:00 AM for Domestic Violence Awareness Sunday at Shorter Community AME Church

Grateful for the opportunity to sever on the DV awareness call on tonight 8:00 PM EDT (see attached) ~ Bria Belim

‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎WEARETALKINGABOUTIT ‪#‎grateful ~ *tears

October 24th

Domestic Violence Awareness: Day 24 ~ a very risky, fulfilling, healing, cathartic, embracing, supportive, encouraging, exposing, affirming, loving journey thus far. Domestic Violence is a tough experience on so many levels and impacts many dimension of ones life. I am grateful I survived but I not only survived, I did a lot of soul searching and self-reflecting to know myself and most importantly to love myself.

Awareness is one of the first steps toward healing. Thank you to everyone who posted a purple ribbon, is hosting a DV Awareness event, counsels DV survivors and victims, are sharing their stories, and exhibiting love and support for all impacted by the ills of domestic violence.

I pray for the abuser who is reading this ~ for, awareness toward healing is for you too! Your power lies in the Almighty and not in abusive, controlling, manipulative, degrading, and aggressive behavior. Awareness is about learning to love yourself so that you can love others in a non-abusive manner; making the necessary life changes to create as space for this healing and love to manifest.

Amen!

‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth‪#‎letstalkaboutit ‪#‎ontheroadtohealing

October 25^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: I am full of many different emotions right now ~ women are still dying at the hands of her abuser ~ so much brokenness ~ so much internalized shame ~ so much "looking for love" when one doesn't know what love is ~ women still dying... Women still dying physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally... Women not realizing the power within because we are fixing and building everyone else... I just want to scream ~ preaching tomorrow for Domestic Violence Awareness Sunday ~ preaching a word of hope in the midst of.... Too much for me ~ but not too much for You Lord! ‪#‎venting ‪#‎lamenting ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence‪#‎tearsforthedeceasedvictim ‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth‪#‎heightened

October 26^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: As difficult as this is... As I feel the pain of my sisters who are still in the struggle... As I reflect on my own situation and how I got away alive... I can't help but pray for those who don't have a support system, who don't have sisters (or brothers) to strengthen and guide along the way, who don't have the courage or the wherewithal or the tools to leave... This epidemic is real and there is no easy fix to it...

Understand beloved, it wasn't easy for the Jewish people to escape the Holocaust, it wasn't easy for Blacks to escape slavery, Jim Crow, Mass Incarceration... and it is not easy to leave or get out of a domestic violence situation. Leaving is not easy. On average, it takes a victim seven times to leave before staying away for good. Exiting the relationship is most unsafe time for a victim. As the abuser senses that they’re losing power, they will often act in dangerous ways to regain control over their victim.

Praying...

‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth‪#‎stilltalkingaboutit ‪#‎thesturgglecontinues‪#‎extremeexamplesbutyougetthepoint

October 27^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: Thank you Val McCaw Gill ~ Don't know the authenticity; nonetheless, the depiction is accurate, true and powerful!‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎getthepoint ‪#‎domesticviolenceawareness‪#‎letstalkaboutit

http://www.reshareworthy.com/one-photo-a-day-for-one-year/#b1ufKx1pmUTGMqYS.01

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/21/domestic-violence_n_6022320.html

October 28^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: I've had many women share their survivor status in private ~ some after the preached word on Sunday ~ I then realized that not all survivors can make this statement in public because their abuser is still at the church, job, or in the community! It is one thing to be bold, unashamed, and an advocate ~ it's another to be wise and use discernment. Please know, if you need to share your story, talk to someone in private, or need help, you may inbox me or call 720-663-0227 which is a private messaging service where one person and one person only has access to the voice mail. Please leave a private number where you can be reached. We have a multitude of resources in and outside of Denver!‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ‪#‎letstalkaboutit ‪#‎besafe

October 29^th

Domestic Violence Awareness: ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ~ I've experienced a similar situation as the one attached. I didn't have to make up a story or even say a word. As my abuser was attacking me, I discretely held the #9 button on my flip phone which was close by (yes, this was just a few years ago when my phone was a flip phone.) In about 5 minutes the police were banging on my door. I ran to the door and let them in. They cautiously entered and asked if everything was OK. I did not have to say a word because of the bruises on my neck and the tears in my eyes. They immediately arrested him. In true transparency and full disclosure, I bailed him out due to fear of what would happen... (that's for another post.) He jumped bail... Sometimes these dangerous situations causes one to be very clever and cautious.  ‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth ‪#‎letstalkaboutit

October 30th

Domestic Violence Awareness: 30 days of ‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence ~ As this journey comes to a close I am filled with mixed emotions. Sharing my story has been filled with attacks of the enemy, love and support to and from women victims and survivors, and awareness to many. I've learned a lot about myself as well:
*Being a survivor is an ongoing process
*The cycle and identity of DV can manifest in other areas of ones life
*My story is the story of many due to the common nature of DV (some have not survived ~ I have to tell my story)
*This has been the toughest yet rewarding month I've ever experience regarding my story and transparency
*I have amazing children and friends
*I am a survivor still in the process of surviving and healing
*Shame only has power if you keep silent
*Healing happens when "things" are uncovered

Look forward to sharing on day 31!

‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth ‪#‎letstalkaboutit ‪#‎besafe

October 31^st

Domestic Violence Awareness: Day 31 ~ Final day...‪#‎afacetodomesticviolence was a 31-day journey to put a face to domestic violence. Victims and survivors are daughters, mothers, sisters, and friends. Victims and survivors are doctors, lawyers, business women, homemakers, beautiful, brilliant, outgoing, and successful. Victims and survivors are human beings in this struggle called life.

It is my prayer domestic violence is seen as the epidemic it is. It is my prayer victims and survivors are treated with love, support, and proper guidance. It is my prayer that churches and other places of worship will speak against the ills of domestic violence and begin to address the violence that occurs in their own worship centers. It is my prayer we continue to talk about the signs, the cycle of abuse, safety plans, shelters, and support systems.

I thank G-d I am alive to tell my story. I had several near death experiences and am here by the Grace of G-d. In the spirit of compassion, patience, and understanding, let us continue to talk about domestic violence so that other lives may be saved, women (and men) will be healed, and all those impacted will receive the love and support they need. Let us journey together moving forward to and through survivorship.

Thank you for listening!

‪#‎domesticviolenceawarenessmonth ‪#‎keeptalkingaboutit ‪#‎besafe‪#‎loveyourself ‪#‎showloveandcompassiontovictimsandsurvivors ‪#‎muchlove‪#‎whew