Oh No ~ I Have Lost My Dreams

I am learning more and more each day the importance of action-reflection-action, meditation, stillness, and breathing.  Life is not about doing for the sake of doing; satisfying the ego which is never satisfied.  Life is about living.  Living is about breathing.  Life is about give and take; you breathe in that which sustains you and you breathe out that which you don’t need.  If this process doesn't happen in our daily activities, at some point, you will burn out. Or, you may be overcome by the things that are detrimental to you. 

I recently attended a ministerial retreat led by my Pastor/boss.  The main focus of the retreat was self-care.  One comment that resonated with me was this: “We laud people doing the things that kill them.” At a funeral, we celebrate all of her great works: she was always there for others, she worked extremely hard, and she was always serving the community and putting others first. And then we eulogize their works after a massive stroke, untreated disease, poor eating habits, stress, and lack of self-care as a result of the said work.

Self-care is as important in our daily routine as is breathing.  If one doesn't care for self, how can one care for others.  Care, in this statement, can be substituted with love, honor, respect, compassion, patience, and peace.  Self-care is the fuel of life.  It is the breath of our dreams.  It is the sustainer of present in order to make it to our future. 

I have lost my dreams.  I have become a giver and not a receiver.  I have become lost in the busy-ness of life that I failed to handle the business of my life which is self-care.  My hopes and dreams are out there in the universe waiting for me to keep still to in order to see it and receive it.  Dreams are born out of circumstance.  Yes, how can one dream if one focuses on the circumstance instead of the promise? Living in the moment is about realizing who you are as a foundation of what’s to come.  Living in the moment is about knowing “I Am” and will be.  Living in the moment is about envisioning your future, hopes and dreams as you live today taking the steps to make it to tomorrow. Tomorrow is making dreams come true.  Tomorrow is not promised so I live life to the fullest today charting my path for a possible tomorrow.  Tomorrow is about dreaming and dreaming big; knowing that all things are possible in Christ.  I must know it, believe it, and behave like I am a part of the divine universe; giving and taking while pausing for a moment to realize and enjoy the moment. 

I have lost my dreams; my hope for tomorrow; my vision to see the new thing G-d is doing.  So, I will stop, breathe, set boundaries, take care of self by making me a priority, and serve like Jesus would.  Then, and only then, will I invigorate my ability to dream and dream big!

Ready to dream again! 

And it does not yet appear what I shall be… 

Never Hopeless...Always Searching! 

Now behold the lamb ~ Women at the Cross 2014

The Executioner

It is amazing how one word can bring life or death. During Lenten season we (or at least we should) learn, reflect, witness, and experience a phenomena of life through death. There are countless scriptures of example:  rivers in the desert, dry bones that live, seeds dying in order to bring new life, dying to self in order to live and live more abundantly, and the ultimate death for life ~ Jesus, the crucifixion and the resurrection.

This Lenten season was particularly different for me.  The busyness of life kept me busy; study and prayer occurred but not at a sound, consistent approach; operation outside of my element which is to act reflect and act, take time out for self, and enjoying my introverted ways.  

So during Holy Week, I decided to make a change.  I was on the phone with a friend expressing a situation that hurt me.  He said "If you don't like something you have the power to change it."  Then I spoke with another friend who introduced a book called "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" and the art of meditation.  I have avoided meditation in the past, always making excuses: I don't have time, I can't sit still, my mind is too busy, I don't want to be alone/quiet/still, and I don't want to know what will be revealed during this time of meditation.  Nonetheless, I kept hearing my friends voice "If you don't like it, change it." 

I realized in order to get to the mountain one has to go through the valley.  Once at the mountain, only you and G-d know whether to move the mountain or garner the strength to climb.  So this notion of "if you don't like it change it" became a desire to obtain a heightened level of discernment: when to stay, leave, speak, listen, stop, go, do and be.  

So I began this journey of mediation and prayer with a goal to just Be; to sit in the presence of the Lord and be still.  Yes, everyday, I pray for my children, my grandson, my estranged sister, my enemies, my "frienemies," sick and shut in, bereaved... yet these moments of meditation is to let G-d be G-d and availing myself to bask in the Lord's presence.  

During a time of atonement, the word execute came to mind/heart.  WOW! One word that can bring life or death in an instant. Execute means to put in effect, to make happen, to implement; yet, it means to kill, to carry out a death sentence, to put to death.  In my line of work I am charged with being the executioner ~ the executive minister who makes things happen, makes a way for ministries to succeed, meet people where they are in order to move beyond their current moment and journey together toward transformation in Christ... I have an amazing job! I serve youth and young adults, I get to meet amazing people, I train, develop, teach, preach... this is my dream come true! 

The reality is, just as quick as I am the executioner ~ the one who makes things happen, I am also the executioner ~ the one who puts things to death.  My negative response can kill a dream, my anger can hurt a soul, my busyness can edge out G-d (ego,) my conforming to my surroundings can destroy G-d's will in my life and in the lives of others.  My execution can either speak life or death. My execution can either bring something to life or shut something down in an instant.  

The key to discerning "which executioner am I?" is reconciling my intent.  My intent should not be to disregard, demean, degrade, disrespect, dismiss, or damage; even if something must die and I am called to execute, I must do so out of Love, forward movement, desired transformation, and spiritual reconciliation.  

Jesus dying on the cross was a horrific, painful, inhumane, evil, heinous experience.  G-d allowing, witnessing, crying, ordering, sustaining, and implementing this life through death experience was mysterious and cathartic. Jesus' resurrection was the culmination of the execution at the cross: life and death occurring in a three-day experience. The execution became the execution of  G-d's plan; G-d's plan to save us of our sin for an opportunity at everlasting life, a plan to teach us there is life in death, a plan to set the example for us to live life and live it more abundantly, a plan to teach us to seek things eternal despite what the mind's eye may see, a plan to execute G-d's plan while using human plans to do so. 

I am the executioner: implementing G-d's will on my life while removing, killing, destroying that which adversely impacts G-d's will on my life. With this comes a level of discernment, assessment, reflection, actualization, realization, and Truth ~ realizing even in death I have an opportunity to live and speak life in my life and in the lives of others.  I am the executioner: executing G-d's words and precepts as the guiding force of my thoughts, words, deeds and destiny.  I am the executioner: living out unconditional positive regard for self and others. I am the executioner: seeing G-d in all things and making G-dly responses in the midst of.  I am the executioner: ordained by G-d for such a time as this: removing negative intent, reconciling ego with my spiritual intelligence, keeping G-d's laws on my heart, and pressing my way (our way) through the valley.  I am the executioner for G-d, no longer killing with my words and deeds, no longer conforming to the false power of the world, no longer seeking worldly pleasure.  I am the Executioner! Which executioner are you?

Never hopeless ~ Forever searching...

Come Meet Me By the Riverside ~ Preaching Moment ~ Soweto, South Africa

On Sunday, November 17th I had the awesome opportunity to share the preached moment with the people of Mokone Memorial AME Church in Soweto, South Africa.  

I am truly a manuscript preacher but on this day, the Lord did not allow that to happen! I preached from an outline.  I pray I was able to capture the preached moment as it was delivered.  

To G-d be the glory for this life-changing opportunity! Thank you Rev. Dr. Timothy Tyler for the awesome opportunity to serve! 

Honoring the presence of the Lord in this place

To the Ancestors upon whose shoulders I stand

To Presiding Elder and Pastor of the church and community

To Rev. Dr. Timothy E. Tyler

To Senator Peter Groff and Rev. Dr. Regina Groff

To Connectional Lay Secretary Ada Groff

To Rev. Dr. Jeremiah Wright

To all officers, members, and friends ~ I greet you today with the Joy of Jesus

Let us pray

Psalm 137

By the rivers of Babylon—
   there we sat down and there we wept
   when we remembered Zion.
On the willows there
   we hung up our harps.
For there our captors
   asked us for songs,
and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying,
   ‘Sing us one of the songs of Zion!’ 

How could we sing the Lord’s song
   in a foreign land?
If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
   let my right hand wither!
Let my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth,
   if I do not remember you,
if I do not set Jerusalem
   above my highest joy. 

Remember, O Lord, against the Edomites
   the day of Jerusalem’s fall,
how they said, ‘Tear it down! Tear it down!
   Down to its foundations!’
O daughter Babylon, you devastator!
   Happy shall they be who pay you back
   what you have done to us!
Happy shall they be who take your little ones
   and dash them against the rock!

Thus ends the reading of the 137^th Psalm

I invite you to journey with me during this preaching moment focusing on the invitation “Come meet me by the riverside”

Introduction

I am very clear that this is or can be a very challenging psalm.  I am also very clear that I cannot tell it all in this preaching moment.  We have experienced a lot over the last few days ~ some good, some heart wrenching, some exciting, and some convicting. Through all of my many experiences the one thing that remained consistent was the fact that some things are universal.  

Move I ~ Contextual/Contemporary

Asphalt is used to pave roads

Concrete is used for roads, walls, barriers

Irons and Ironing boards look alike

Bacon and eggs are offered everywhere I go

Public transportation in one way, shape, or form including taxis, buses and/or trains

Advertising is big business

Money talks

Affordable housing is no so affordable

And

Extreme poverty (from Shanty Town in Soweto to the old streets of Harlem to the mission in Denver at lunch time to the empty lot up the block from Gladys and Ron’s Chicken and Waffles in Atlanta GA) ~ visible by those who dare to look ~ visible by those who dare to drive, walk, skip, run, through those neighborhoods ~ Extreme poverty!

Universal/parallel/comparable things that cross space and time. For instance, I was born and raised in Harlem, NY.  125^th was (and I hope it still is) the mecca of Harlem World.  I would take a walk across 125^th street; I lived on 124^th and 2^nd avenue in Wagner Projects and would walk about 10 city blocks west to shop, eat, pay a bill, etc.  As I would walk across 125^th St, the mecca of Harlem, these red double decker buses would ride slowly across 125^th while tourist would listen to the tour guide and the tourist would take pictures.  That made me angry.  I would question, why are they doing this? I am not on display! This is my home!

And here I find myself riding on a bus, through the streets of Soweto feeling like the oppressed has just become the oppressor. As my spirit is grieving, the sacred text John 3:16 comes to mind: So G-d so loved the world (that includes the woman washing clothes from a tub and an outdoor faucet next to aluminum siding called home ~ including the little boys; one without shoes who kept following us on the low and finally Rosemarie gave them some money and they walked away arm over shoulder ~ the cutest sight to behold and we will never know what happened to them once they turned that corner) that G-d gave G-d’s only begotten Son and whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but they shall have everlasting life.

My sisters and my brothers will not perish yet all around I see death, destruction, poverty, marginalization, racism, sexism, exploitation, dehumanization, deculturalization ~ and I can’t help but turn to 137^th Psalm of lament lifting up one verse: By the rivers of Babylon – there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion.

Move II ~ The Text ~ Psalm 13:1

Here is the 137^th Psalm we find a lament over the destruction of Jerusalem.  Israel is now in captivity by the Babylonians; Foreign occupation and destruction, names changed (as Dr. Wright stated in his amazing lecture,) and territories realigned. This song, this lament was written during a time of death and destruction. The captives hung their harps for how could they sing the Lord’s song in a foreign land. The captives were tormented; reminded every day of their bondage.

Glad to be away from the noisy streets, the captives sought the river side, where the flow of the waters seemed to be in sympathy with their tears. It was some slight comfort to be out of the crowd, and to have a little breathing room, and therefore they sat down, as if to rest a while and solace themselves in their sorrow. In little groups they sat down and made common lamentation, mingling their memories and their tears. (http://www.biblestudytools.com/commentaries/treasury-of-david/psalms-137-1.html)

Move III ~

They gathered by the river to achieve some semblance of peace ~ they gathered on the streets of Soweto to entertain to achieve some semblance of peace ~ they gathered in Harlem in Mount Morris park on Sunday mornings for a drum circle to achieve some semblance of peace ~ they gathered at church on Sunday morning to achieve some semblance of peace.  Remember as you are in Babylon you can create a space of peace and serenity in the midst of the storm ~ They went by the rivers of Babylon…

They sat ~ The word sat means to occupy, to be present, to encamp ~ there we sat ~ we came together, we shared stories, listened to one another, exchanged ideas and ways to foster hope ~ we sat!  My sisters and my brothers, in order to create change, to make a difference, to change the world one hungry, one naked person at a time, it will take building relationships.  Being present in the moment; good, bad, or indifferent ~ we must be present in the lives of those who are being labeled, ostracized, and marginalized ~ oh if only one person takes the hand of another who is struggling, living under impoverished conditions, and takes their hand just to sit and be present with her/him. Imagine impacting one life at a time to collectively destroy structures and systems that were not build for us anyway.

The contextual use of the word sat in this scripture is a mark of misery or captivity:

a.      The beggar sat by the temple gate called Beautiful

b.      The lame man sat by the river to be healed

c.       The blind beggar who was blind since birth calling out Jesus’ s name sat and waited on Him

Sometimes we just have to sit and wait on the Lord and be of good courage ~ sit with all of our stuff as we humble ourselves and pour out to G-d ~ sitting does not mean sitting still without being intentional ~ it means actively seeking G-d while putting oneself aside to find G-d and to hear the answer…

… and there we wept ~ sometimes we move too quickly to the resurrection and we don’t stay on Good Friday to hear what G-d is saying in the midst of despair, fear, murder, destruction, hurt and pain.  They not only sat but they wept.  They wept when they recalled the days of the temple, Jerusalem at is finest ~ they wept and they wept there ~ sometimes you just gotta sit still right in the midst of, acknowledge your emotions, and reflect/share on the times G-d has brought you through before and G-d will do it again. A lament is crying out to G-d expecting something to happen ~ expecting G-d to move as only G-d can ~ expecting to be saved, delivered, transformed, and healed ~ Sometimes we must weep over Mother Africa remembering the days of past and present where we were and still are kings and queens; where we overcame slavery and apartheid; where we thought there was no way out and the Lord made a way out of no way ~

Conclusion ~

Come meet me by the riverside ~ we will gather… we will sit… and we will weep only to rise again! To rise and reclaim what was taken! To rise and be the women and me of G-d we were destined to be! Come meet me by the riverside; there we will sit and weep together as we remember Jerusalem, Mother Africa! See you by the riverside! 

For My Diva

At 16, no love for self
Looking for love in all the wrong places
Pregnant with a child when only a child
Loved unconditionally by my parents, sisters, brothers... anyway
Ostracized by others including my religion, my village, my world
Then on August 3rd my life changed
I gave birth to Daralyne Kyesha Davis
An "E" on the end of her name 
Phonetically incorrect but the reason is Exceptional
She saved my life!
She loved me unconditionally!
She gave me a reason to want more; to do better!
Because she is, I Am! 
And today, I honor her with tears in my eyes because we are apart for the first time in her 27 years on earth
27 years of watching her grow, experience life, stumble, fall, get back up again, pressing on...
27 years of unconditional love, unspeakable joy, and a never-ending bond
A gift from G-d: turning my mess into a miracle ~ my premature decision into Divinity 
The gift that keeps on giving...
And here we are 27 years later ~ St. John's graduate, Teach for America Scholar, amazing sister, wife, mother, and 8th grade teacher
A woman of G-d who uses her brilliant gifts to change the world one person at a time
My Diva: Divinely Inspired Victoriously Anointed gift from G-d
DIVA, I honor you today! 
I thank you for saving me! 
I love you for loving me even when...
Happy born day to my daughter in whom I am well pleased!
Much love my militant, risk-taking, society-shaking, funny, brilliant, G-d-loving, G-d-fearing daughter,
Mommy

My Birthday ~ A Whole New Meaning

At the age of 10 I had my first "big" birthday party ~ pretty dress, hair freshly pressed, happy birthday crown upon my head, and mommy's chocolate cake from scratch...

At age 13 during my time at East Harlem Performing Arts School, Kool and the Gang sang happy birthday to me...

Ages 18-20 something birthdays were filled with very worldly partying, ski trips, week-long celebrations...

At the age of 23 I celebrated my birthday at home with my mom who just came home from the hospital after being on a respirator for weeks during her battle with multiple myeloma and kidney failure.  She came home on my birthday, we ate home made soul food and her famous cake from scratch.  That moment was a moment I would never forget for she died a few weeks later on March 28th.  

As I fast forward to 2009: grown, in seminary in Atlanta, away from my children and family, I found myself planning some time of self-care and pampering.  So on March 7th I planned to do a mani/pedi, eat, drink and be merry. My plans came to a halt when I received a call from my brother (from another mother) telling me to call my (step) mom.  I called only to find out my dad fell ill.  I was not told of the magnitude of the moment but I was told to come home immediately.  Through my tears we hurried back to the dorm; yep, my studio with a twin bed, small refrigerator/kitchenette, and wooden furniture.  My mother in the ministry booked a one way flight to NY.  I threw clothes in a bag and made my way to the airport. 

Two days before my birthday, a day I would normally celebrate with my girls in our own special way, I am on my way to NY on Frontier Airlines with tears in my eyes, phone ringing non-stop, and a fear of the unknown.  Two days before my birthday I am listening to music that soothes my soul experiencing the longest plane ride to NY ever! 

So I arrive in NY met by my sisters who tell me our dad just had a massive stroke! So in G-d's infinite grace and mercy, my dad remained on life support through my birthday.  So on March 9th 2009, as my family filled the ICU waiting room, my sisters and I went to One Fish Two Fish and celebrated in the midst of this transition....

My dad died two days later...

My birthday has taken on a whole new meaning: a new appreciation of life ~ seeing G-d in the midst of change/loss/grief/new beginnings ~ a time of reflection and remembrance ~ a time to receive love, blessings, and well wishes ~ a moment to love and celebrate self...

A time to stay in the bed all day; no parties, trips, excursions, friends, sisters... Just me, G-d, FB and my IPhone.  My birthday has taken on a whole new meaning...

Bittersweet, sad, happy, loving, private, peaceful, and quiet.  My birthday has taken on a whole new meaning...

Thanks for listening!

Never hopeless ~ forever searching...

The Theology of Heavy D

Somebody For Me
Nuttin' But Love
Now That We Found Love
Don't Curse
We Got Our Own Thang...

And the list goes on and on ~ I feel like a part of me has died ~ 3 years apart ~ I feel like I grew up with Heavy D ~ from watching him perform, running into him at Howard's Homecoming, or watching him on my favorite TV shows: Living Single, Different World, or rhyming along to the theme song for In Living Color ~

He was always the same; growing and maturing right before our very eyes but always kind, talented, funny, and loving.  He knew who he was, who he wanted to be, stayed true to his love for music and the type of music he chose to deliver, and he was courageous! He stepped out of the box but never out of himself.

It is so unfortunate to realize these things now that he is gone.  Yes, I took him for granted; he was supposed to be here, growing with me, making me smile and dance.  His music was trendsetting and unwavering.  He had a good time doing what he loved and shared himself with the world.

I can't help but be reminded of Jesus ~ He preached love, shared his life with the world, stayed true to His beliefs and tasks, and loved doing what He did! If we are called to be like Jesus, I believe we are called to stand against the status quo of self-degradation, self-hate, marginalization, sexism, racism, classism, abuse, incarceration, disrespect, and hopelessness.  We are called to define ourselves and not allow the world to define who we should or could be based on our looks, class, gender, or community.  We are called to do what we love while making others smile, love, and hope.

I thank G-d for the Heavy D and his theology of love through the art of music and entertainment.

Rest on my friend,

Never hopeless ~ always searching